I’m sure all of you lovely people out there had lovely holiday breaks, but you probably aren’t interested in listening belatedly to news about Christmas which was 3 days ago. Especially from a 23-year-old adult who’s probably as dry and stale as your everyday month-old gingerbread house.

However, I’m still tra-la-la-ing Christmas carols at the top of my lungs as I prance about my house fully decked out in my Santa hat and socks, likely annoying the shit out of everyone in the vicinity. Hey, even adults get to be immature kids at Christmas (keep that excuse in mind when you find yourself butt-naked on the roof after a particularly drunken Christmas party.)

And as Christmas blipped by so quickly, I’m going to drag it out by sharing my holiday break with you all. Because that’s the TRUE spirit of Christmas! (Kids, take notes.)

Dental fillings

Okay, maybe not the best way to start off the list, but I spent three days sitting in a dentist’s chair getting fillings. Lovely. And then afterwards, I chomped my numbed lips really, really, hard devouring Hungry Howie’s pizza. Truly, a lovely way to start one’s holiday break. Highly recommended (not).

30% coupon from Barnes & Noble

Okay this is going to sound nerdy, but I went book-hunting for literally a week at the prompt of a 30% coupon that B&N sent me. What? Money doesn’t grow on trees, and I actually had a book I wanted to buy (The Gift of Asher Lev), which I found at the freaking FOURTH store I went to. Why are some books so nutty hard to find?! Oh well. I got my discount. Success!

Belated letter to Santa

Dear Santa, no offense, but I want you to make it ****ing snow already. Update: It literally hadn’t snowed for the last effing month, which drove me crazy. But only 7 hours after I wrote this post and went to bed, I woke up to find 4 inches of snow outside my window.(…..) SANTA REALLY EXISTS!!!

Teaching chess to those inferior peasants called “family”

I’ve been playing chess since the fifth grade, and I’m still the Ronald Weasley of this family. Long live the queen, mwahahahaha!

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Bring on the color pencils…

Making Christmas cards! And let’s just say the one below was concocted by the mad fangirl within. I spy Padfoot, Hogsmeade (Honeydukes, Zonko’s, The Three Broomsticks), Bag End/Hobbiton, Narnia and the lamppost, the Hogwarts Express, Hagrid and his hut with his giant pumpkins, Quidditch, Hogwarts, and a creepy old man in a red suit. Likely a burlgar.

Math question of the day: “In a 24-hour span…”

Can you fit in The Polar Express, A Charlie Brown Christmas, the Harry Potter movies, the Chronicles of Narnia, and Lord of the Rings, ALL into one Christmas day? In addition to the present-opening, food devouring, and food coma laziness that will likely occur? ANSWER: You make it all fit, dammit.

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Get a tree. A REAL tree.

No mother, I want a REAL tree. It is absolutely unethical to not chop down a healthy live tree and torture it by weighing it down with copious amounts of ornaments for the sake of my cheap holiday entertainment. So unethical not to do so.

Picnic snobbery in 20 degree Celsius weather. Complete with campfire.

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Don’t forget the expensive wine glasses, dearie–I insist upon gnawing my frozen champagne in stylish dignity. And piping hot chocolate with ginger and marshmallows is in order afterwards, yes?

Homemade cake. SUGAR HIGH!!!!

Made from scratch by yours truly. And all hail the snowman centerpiece, which I spontaneously made at the last minute; notice the pointed hat and spaghetti-noodle wand? nerd spasms I almost added circular glasses, but everyone thought it would be overkill. Apparently, one does not simply argue with hungry critics.